Love Turned To Hate

I came across this tonight. I wrote in several years ago, when I had nowhere to go except to my paper with my pen. I used to write almost every night, it was the only thing that kept me sane. This was during the time I didn't believe in God so I most definately was not spending any time talking with Him.

What do you do
When someone
Takes away
Everything
You believe true?

Your desire to live,
But most of all
The ability to feel
Desired.
Human emotions.

Where do you turn
When your most
Important emotion
Is destroyed,
Terminated

Who could do this awful thing
To another person?
A man can do it,
When he turns love
Into hate

The feelings once felt
In association
With love
Are gone
Maybe for good

What do you do?
Where do you turn?
I don't know
I haven't yet
Figured it out

You want to talk
But want no pity
You want to sleep
Waking to realize
It's a bad dream

Maybe the answer is
The day you forget
Is the day
Nothing else matters
Then the pain stops.

I was in a terribly dark place at the time I wrote this with no hope. I had notbody to talk to, besides, why would I want to tell anyone my life was in shambles?

I am a much different person now. First of all, I have surrounded myself with beautiful friends and God has blessed me with a wonderful family. I now know that God is on my side and, even when people are at their most hateful and hurtful, even when someone hurts me in a way that was unimaginable until I had to go through it, even then, God is on my side.

The old me truly believed if there had been a God, these bad things would never happen. This is why I didn't believe in God. Thankfully, I don't feel this way any longer. I know how God has changed me, I can see the differences in me. Not that the old me doesn't come back occasionally, she does, but I know with God's help, I will just keep getting better.

I had to accept that God could change me. Had to open myself up to the possibility. That was tough. In fact, I didn't think I could do it but then God took over and just did His thing. He knew much better than me who I needed to be. We still go toe to toe regularly, me thinking I know what's best. God just waits patiently for me to surrender and he does exactly what I need.

Once I accepted that for myself, I had to begin to understand that those people who turn love into hate, they just haven't opened themselves up to the possibility of changes that God is just waiting to make in them. In order to extend grace, I first had to accept it and once I accepted it, I had to try and realize that God's grace covers everyone, even that man that took so much from me! I don't know where he is spiritually now but, if he hasn't made any changes yet,  I do know that God is still waiting, just waiting on him to open his heart to the posibility of change!

God, please let my story impact someone who is hurting and hating. Help them see your love through me and know that you love them just the same. You love them in their brokeness and their weakness. You love them always, but especially when they don't think they can love themselves or another again. God, please let them see your love is an all consuming and healing love.