Luke 12:29 The Message
What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not to be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving.
This was part of the message today. It still has me bumfuzzled. See, I DON'T relax very well. There is just too much to do. Surely you understand, there is landry to do, meals to cook, dishes to do. I have to work and I have a family, we have small group, we have friends (yes, I have friends) and my sweet hubby and I try to find time to spend together, usually Friday night is date night. I have to find time to exercise and time to catch up with everyone on facebook, of course!
On top of all of this, I am an organizer, so not only do I have to do all of these things, I have to GET READY to do all of these things. You know, I have to sort the laundry, make my meal plan, wash the dishes so they can be sanitized in the dishwasher. I have to spend at least 30 minutes every night getting "ready" for work the next day. If I can't organize, I guarantee, I can make a list about it! I live by my lists, notes and reminders on my phone.
So, exactly how do I relax when there is so much I need to do.
The problem with blogging, 'I' is always capitalized, so "I" don't know how to emphasize that "I" am realizing that "I" am depending on myself to get all these things done and actually, "I" am not even sure these things are all necessary. 'I' am working my tail off trying to be as close to perfect as 'I' could possibly be and 'I' am failing miserably!
So I read Luke 12:21-30, I have to admit, it is a toughy. I am generally pretty hard on myself. I don't usually like what I see in the mirror, I have a bad case of the "if only's". You know, "if only" I could lose 30-40 more pounds, "if only" I were taller, "if only" I wasn't looking so old, "if only" my eyes were more blue, "if only" I had beautiful. straight hair. I could go on and on, I think alot of us could.
I see in verse 24 about the ravens, which are ugly, nastly birds actually, but they are "carefree in the care of God". Then, in verse 27-28, I read about the wildflowers, most never even seen, but are all so beautiful even though they don't fuss over their appearance. God will attend to me, take pride in me and do his best for me.
It all sounds so simple but my brain is already going, BUT......
So, in verse 31, it becomes more clear. "Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met".
Not only my needs but my human concerns. I will have to think about this one. My human concerns, does God understand how my brain works? Is He sure he wants to handle all my 'human concerns'? This is one of those things that will keep me up at night. Trying to figure this all out. See, this is how my brain works, I have to try to figure it out and totally understand it. In the end, I know I will simply throw my hands in the air and say to God, "the only thing I can do is assume you know what you are doing". He will then have me exactly where He wants me, totally trusting Him.
Today, I pray that it will not take me long to get to the point I just trust God to attend to me, take pride in me and do His best for me. I pray I stop playing the "if only" game and know that, even though I am not a size 3, God sees me as beautiful. I pray that my "human concerns" are for my fellow humans and not just for myself. I pray that I can "be generous and give to the poor". This is when I feel the presence of God most in my life, I think this may just be what God has called me to do, help make a difference for those less fortunate. Thank you God for that blessing! Today I pray I can relax and respnd to God's giving!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What would it take?
Why can't you see what is waiting for you if you just open your heart. All you have to do is be willing to ask. When can you take the time to find out what it is that has some people all amped. It is so simple. Just let God's grace make you over!
You know, all the "christians", they have it all figured out. They keep their "happy face" on at all times, they have no worries. They go to church every day. When asked, they smile and say, "we are just fine".
People are singing songs about it, why can't you understand. The preacher is preaching and the christians are smiling. Why can't you see? When will you care?
I am preaching, I am smiling, I have it all figured out. Why can't you see? When will you care? I know some bible verses and I know all about grace and mercy. When will I accept it?
What will it take. If all the good Christians preach at you about your clothes and your tattoos and your inappropriate behavior and your children born out of wedlock and your smoking and drinking and your bad decisions and your past relationships and your pre-marital sex and all the times you put everything before Jesus. If they preach loud enough, if they hit you over the head with that bible enough times, will you get it? Will you understand? Or will you turn and run away, hoping to never be like "them"?
How about some brutal honesty. What if I tell you how broken I am and about the horrible decisions I have made in the past, about lies I've told, pre-marital sex that cost so many so much, about smoking and drinking and drugs, ways to self medicate after years of abuse and self hatred, about tattoos that I love and more I will probably get, about raising my boys without teaching them who Jesus is, about living my adult life as a non-believer. If I told you all of these things and told you this was barely scratching the surface, then would you get it. Would you understand? Would you be interested.
Would you accept God's grace and understand there is nothing you can do that will make Him love you any less? He knows all your secrets and he loves you. He wants to show you nothing but kindness even though he knows everything about you. Would you want to know more? Would you fall to your knees and confess. Would you live your life differently?
If you let Him get hold of you, I can almost guarantee you would. As hard as I fought it, I did. I am a different person and I pray every day to become more different. I just want to be content in life and knowing that Jesus is mine. He is my saviour and He is my love. He is the only one I actually need. He will see that my needs are met. He knows all I think and feel and He will take care of my heart. He would never hurt me and He will be there to pick me up when life knocks me down.
Just thinking, I never, ever measured up to the "good christians" at church but, guess what, Jesus DOES NOT CARE. He wants me, honest and broken. He wants me to share that honesty and he wants me to shine His light. He wants me to shine that light so brightly that someone will be curious. This is what I want to do. I don't want to preach or thump my bible, I just want you to see how broken and battered I am and know that Jesus loves me. Honest truth is, if you know how screwed up I am and realize He still loves me, that could be very powerful. As much as people will judge you, I guarantee He will love you, all you have to do is ask!
You know, all the "christians", they have it all figured out. They keep their "happy face" on at all times, they have no worries. They go to church every day. When asked, they smile and say, "we are just fine".
People are singing songs about it, why can't you understand. The preacher is preaching and the christians are smiling. Why can't you see? When will you care?
I am preaching, I am smiling, I have it all figured out. Why can't you see? When will you care? I know some bible verses and I know all about grace and mercy. When will I accept it?
What will it take. If all the good Christians preach at you about your clothes and your tattoos and your inappropriate behavior and your children born out of wedlock and your smoking and drinking and your bad decisions and your past relationships and your pre-marital sex and all the times you put everything before Jesus. If they preach loud enough, if they hit you over the head with that bible enough times, will you get it? Will you understand? Or will you turn and run away, hoping to never be like "them"?
How about some brutal honesty. What if I tell you how broken I am and about the horrible decisions I have made in the past, about lies I've told, pre-marital sex that cost so many so much, about smoking and drinking and drugs, ways to self medicate after years of abuse and self hatred, about tattoos that I love and more I will probably get, about raising my boys without teaching them who Jesus is, about living my adult life as a non-believer. If I told you all of these things and told you this was barely scratching the surface, then would you get it. Would you understand? Would you be interested.
Would you accept God's grace and understand there is nothing you can do that will make Him love you any less? He knows all your secrets and he loves you. He wants to show you nothing but kindness even though he knows everything about you. Would you want to know more? Would you fall to your knees and confess. Would you live your life differently?
If you let Him get hold of you, I can almost guarantee you would. As hard as I fought it, I did. I am a different person and I pray every day to become more different. I just want to be content in life and knowing that Jesus is mine. He is my saviour and He is my love. He is the only one I actually need. He will see that my needs are met. He knows all I think and feel and He will take care of my heart. He would never hurt me and He will be there to pick me up when life knocks me down.
Just thinking, I never, ever measured up to the "good christians" at church but, guess what, Jesus DOES NOT CARE. He wants me, honest and broken. He wants me to share that honesty and he wants me to shine His light. He wants me to shine that light so brightly that someone will be curious. This is what I want to do. I don't want to preach or thump my bible, I just want you to see how broken and battered I am and know that Jesus loves me. Honest truth is, if you know how screwed up I am and realize He still loves me, that could be very powerful. As much as people will judge you, I guarantee He will love you, all you have to do is ask!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I came across this verse the other night and it just won't leave me alone.
Psalm 119: 174 - 176 The Message
I'm homesick God, for your salvation. I love it when you show yourself. Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well. Use your decrees to put iron in my soul. And, should I wonder off, like a lost sheep - seek me! I'll recognize the sound of your voice. A pilgrim song.
I love when I open my bible and something speaks to me so loudly. The writer of this psalm must have been thinking about me, must have known me personally. This is ME!
Some days, I am so very homesick for God's salvation and when I slow down enough and can manage to be quiet, I do so love it when God shows himself. He takes me by surprise so often and I can't sing his praises loud enough. He knows just when I need encouragement. He also knows when I am wondering, when I am not listening, when I am being a disobedient child. Then he calls my name, he gets my attention and yes, I do recognize the sound of his voice. Then I remember He only wants what is best for me, He has a plan for me and wants me to get back on track.
I love when I actually realize that God does not need me but He loves me and yearns for me. Loves me unconditionally and just wants me to be His!
God, I am yours and I am so thankful that you waited for me, that you sought me when I was that sheep that was so terribly lost! I love the sound of your voice and I love you.
Psalm 119: 174 - 176 The Message
I'm homesick God, for your salvation. I love it when you show yourself. Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well. Use your decrees to put iron in my soul. And, should I wonder off, like a lost sheep - seek me! I'll recognize the sound of your voice. A pilgrim song.
I love when I open my bible and something speaks to me so loudly. The writer of this psalm must have been thinking about me, must have known me personally. This is ME!
Some days, I am so very homesick for God's salvation and when I slow down enough and can manage to be quiet, I do so love it when God shows himself. He takes me by surprise so often and I can't sing his praises loud enough. He knows just when I need encouragement. He also knows when I am wondering, when I am not listening, when I am being a disobedient child. Then he calls my name, he gets my attention and yes, I do recognize the sound of his voice. Then I remember He only wants what is best for me, He has a plan for me and wants me to get back on track.
I love when I actually realize that God does not need me but He loves me and yearns for me. Loves me unconditionally and just wants me to be His!
God, I am yours and I am so thankful that you waited for me, that you sought me when I was that sheep that was so terribly lost! I love the sound of your voice and I love you.
Monday, November 1, 2010
I'm Fine!!!!
How many times in my life have I answered the question, "are you okay?" with "I'M FINE". I did it just today. What exactly do I think that accomplishes? If someone asks the question, do I not owe them some sort of a truthful answer. Even if it is just, "I don't know" or "no, actually, I am not". What would be wrong with saying those things?
Well, I don't know about anyone else but there are a couple of reasons I can think of that cause me to spew "I'M FINE"! One, I sure would hate it if anyone knew I might have feelings or a weakness or worse yet, emotions. Two, I struggle with anger and if I answer that question honestly, then I just might blow a gasket. I never really learned how to "use my words". Ha, that is what all my grandkids get told when they aren't making any sense with their gibberish, you know, when they are trying so hard to tattle but just keep stammering over their words or when they just cry or whine and point.
It just dawned on me, I act the EXACT same way when someone asks me what's wrong. I act like one of my grandkids when things aren't going their way and they just don't know how to express what is wrong. Difference is, I am not a child! I should be able to be honest!
That would require me being honest with myself. That sucks, just in case you were wondering how I feel about it! I would rather run miles upon miles than be honest with myself. Why is that? When I know what I am, when I know who I am, why am I so afraid of just admitting it to myself. I guess because I know who I am and I know what I am. I can't imagine anyone understanding me much less wanting to be with me. I am complicated, I am simple, I am deep, I am shallow, I am so many different things, I can't even understand me most of the time!
So, my answer is, I AM FINE! That makes it all okay. That should make anyone quit asking questions. Problem is, it doens't make me believe it. It also doens't make God leave me alone, He is constantly there, asking me "what's wrong"?
Why can't I get it? God knows who I am and God knows what I am and yet, He still wants to know, "what's wrong"? Could it be because He knows everything about me and sees no wrong. Even though he sees every scar, every hurt, every tear, every hateful, hurtful thing there is to see about me, He can't understand why I feel like there is something wrong. He keeps no records, He just loves me.
I will still constantly try to figure out my own emotions. I will always try to come across as the strong chick, the one with no worries or concerns. I will always be afraid of things going bad but am getting better at just letting things be what they are. I am also trying harder to see myself through God's eyes more often and not through the eyes that are so terribly scarred by my past.
What's wrong? Actually, nothing, I am fine. Just ask God!
Well, I don't know about anyone else but there are a couple of reasons I can think of that cause me to spew "I'M FINE"! One, I sure would hate it if anyone knew I might have feelings or a weakness or worse yet, emotions. Two, I struggle with anger and if I answer that question honestly, then I just might blow a gasket. I never really learned how to "use my words". Ha, that is what all my grandkids get told when they aren't making any sense with their gibberish, you know, when they are trying so hard to tattle but just keep stammering over their words or when they just cry or whine and point.
It just dawned on me, I act the EXACT same way when someone asks me what's wrong. I act like one of my grandkids when things aren't going their way and they just don't know how to express what is wrong. Difference is, I am not a child! I should be able to be honest!
That would require me being honest with myself. That sucks, just in case you were wondering how I feel about it! I would rather run miles upon miles than be honest with myself. Why is that? When I know what I am, when I know who I am, why am I so afraid of just admitting it to myself. I guess because I know who I am and I know what I am. I can't imagine anyone understanding me much less wanting to be with me. I am complicated, I am simple, I am deep, I am shallow, I am so many different things, I can't even understand me most of the time!
So, my answer is, I AM FINE! That makes it all okay. That should make anyone quit asking questions. Problem is, it doens't make me believe it. It also doens't make God leave me alone, He is constantly there, asking me "what's wrong"?
Why can't I get it? God knows who I am and God knows what I am and yet, He still wants to know, "what's wrong"? Could it be because He knows everything about me and sees no wrong. Even though he sees every scar, every hurt, every tear, every hateful, hurtful thing there is to see about me, He can't understand why I feel like there is something wrong. He keeps no records, He just loves me.
I will still constantly try to figure out my own emotions. I will always try to come across as the strong chick, the one with no worries or concerns. I will always be afraid of things going bad but am getting better at just letting things be what they are. I am also trying harder to see myself through God's eyes more often and not through the eyes that are so terribly scarred by my past.
What's wrong? Actually, nothing, I am fine. Just ask God!
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