My "Needs"

Wow, it has been close to FOREVER since I posted here. I don't know what keeps me from being here. I suppose I think I am just too busy. We are now business owners, I still work my full time job and I teach Zumba three nights a week. There just is not enough time! Ha, who believes that? We make time for what is important to us. I find time to be on Facebook and Twitter, I have plenty of time to satisfy my addiction to reality TV and whatever else may grab my attention, Army Wives, Grey's Anatomy, Scandal (yes, I am very well aware that I watch entirely too much TV). Some of the things I do are out of necessity, like my job, which I also happen to love. Some things are my way to cope or release stress, TV and Zumba. Some are trying to prepare for our future, like becoming new business owners. I am so busy, I am probably not doing much of anything very well. I believe the majority of my effort goes into my regular job. Everything else gets what I have left. Some days that isn't much. Something is missing.... OK, I've got my job, my exercise, my entertainment and my future that I'm working on. I do manage to get some rest most nights and I am eating pretty well. What am I missing? After this week, what I'm missing became very clear. In the midst of a crisis, when I was going to have to do something I REALLY didn't want to do, I laid my head down and, through tears, begged God not to make me do it. I explained that I just wasn't strong enough. I actually begged for quite some time. Even though i didn't want to do this, I knew it was the right thing. When the time came for me to tackle this obstacle, I took a deep breath, tried to muster up the courage and strength this was going to require and.... Nothing! I didn't have to do anything. God had already taken care of it. Slapped in the face with an answered prayer. I was suddenly so sad because God was something that had just been getting my leftovers, even though He was the one I expected to help me out of a tough situation. For the biggest part of the last year, I have not been making God a priority. I have lumped God into "church" and have stayed away from both. I am still taking my drive to work to have that intimate conversation with God, but that's pretty much it. He is part of my routine and not part of my life right now. I talk a lot about things I "need" to do. I "need" to find a way to serve, I "need" to find a way to teach the grandkids, I "need" to get off my butt and be the light! I "need" to live my life in a way constantly makes God proud. I "need" to be an obedient child. Guess what, talk IS cheap. I am waiting on others to lead me. Exactly why am I doing that? So I can blame someone else when I start to feel guilty? That is a cowards way out. I am using my feelings about "church" as a cop out and have become lazy! I also am so worried about offending others, I am staying quiet when perhaps, that isn't the best thing. Now what? Well, this last week has been confirmation that God is always here with me. Now I "need" to make Him the priority in my life. I "need" to listen to Him and stop worrying about what others may think. I "need" to step up to the plate and be the person God created me to be, to use the gifts He gave me, whatever they are. If I just listen, He will not mislead me! God, please give me the strength and courage to listen to you.